and she'll never know
by MsLane
Summary: With Jesse, Beca has some wonderfully stable times. But that's just it. There was nothing exciting or new. It was all just precise and regular and completely and utterly…stable.


With Jesse, Beca has some wonderfully stable times.

But that's just it. There was nothing exciting or new. It was all just precise and regular and completely and utterly…stable.

Beca had thought that was what a good relationship was supposed to be like. No bumps in the road, or ups and downs.

But she sees how Stacie is with her boyfriend and how even after being together for over a year, she still gets excited to spend time with him. He even manages to still surprise her.

"Why the frown Pouty?"

Beca automatically grins as she turns to Chloe who takes a seat beside her on the couch.

"There's no frown here-was there? And…I was just thinking."

Giggling, Chloe nods as she leans against Beca, "Yeah, there was," she pauses before continuing, "Want to talk about it?"

She reaches for Beca's hand and just holds it, patiently waiting for whatever Beca decides she wants to do, or not do.

Beca absentmindedly starts fiddling with Chloe's fingers as she shrugs noncommittally.

"It's not a big deal." She pauses and Chloe hums to let her know she's listening, but she doesn't push her. She decides to just be there for Beca, knowing she'll open up when she's ready.

Chloe isn't going anywhere and Beca knows she can take her time with her.

"It's normal that Jesse and I have a routine, right?" Beca finally asks into the silence that an empty house provides them.

Chloe once again hums before speaking, "Sure, I mean routines are great. But there's also got to be variety within the routine. The Bellas only ever used to do the exact same thing _every_ performance…and you know what that was like."

Beca furrows her brow, never before thinking about it like that, "But…You want stability in a relationship."

It's not exactly a question, but it isn't quite a statement either.

Chloe gently squeezes Beca's hand, "Yes, you do. You want to be confident in the relationship; you don't want there to be any doubt that either of you is happy and getting something wonderful out of it. But, you also want the butterflies that come with, like, surprise picnics. You want the rush of emotions that hit you when you do something small for them, but it means everything to them and they give you that smile that lets you know you did that. You don't give up on the romance just because you've gotten past the dating phase. You want the relationship to grow, so you have to keep tending to it, feeding it…"

Chloe trails off, realizing perhaps Beca will make a joke about her analogy if she keeps going.

What does happen though surprises Chloe, because instead of making a joke and brushing off the moment, Beca asks, "You-Do you think that about Jesse and I?"

Chloe tilts her head and waits for Beca to expand on her question.

"Do you think we let the relationship's embers just die? We're just comfortable going through the motions and not really feeling anything?"

Chloe's eyes widen slightly and she shakes her head, "Becs, no one, not anyone, has the right to tell you how you should feel or what _you_ are feeling. You're the one that's in this relationship with Jesse, and if it's what you both want then that's what you both want."

Beca lets out a frustrated groan, "I know…but I just…We were great in the beginning. Or at least, I thought we were, but I'm thinking about everything and it's like…we're more so friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. Hell Chlo, if we don't have a pre-set date, that we both agreed on, we don't see each other. There are never surprise drop bys, or random hellos just because 'we felt like it'…is that normal?"

"I can't-you can't compare your relationship to anyone else's Becs…everyone is different." Chloe says, in an attempt to handle things properly, trying for political correctness and neutrality.

Beca however is through with the political correctness. She extracts her hand from Chloe's and folds her arms across her chest and stares at her with a pointed look, an eyebrow raised.

Sighing, Chloe huffs as she sits back against the arm of the couch and folds her own arms across her chest, "I've never been in a relationship where we had to have scheduled meet ups. Not for _every_ _single_ meet up, no."

Beca drops her arms and throws her head back, "I _am_ a fucking weirdo."

"Oh come on Beca, like that's anything new."

Beca fixes her with a look and Chloe has the decency to look properly chastised.

"Look, you aren't in this alone. Jesse obviously doesn't mind the arrangement you two have, seeing as he hasn't put up any objections."

Beca bites her lip as she says, "Actually…most of this…was all him, all his ideas."

Chloe's eyebrows raise as she takes in this information, Beca seeing this, decides to elaborate, "He figured it makes the most sense since we're both busy with our acapella groups and classes…it made the most sense to pencil in some us time. It works, ya know?"

Chloe tries not to make it obvious that she's not really feeling it but Beca reads her like an open book, "That's ridiculous isn't it? Oh God."

Chloe reaches out for Beca and places an arm around her shoulder and pulls her into her side, "Look, unconventional or not, the only thing that matters is this…Are you happy with him?"

Beca doesn't answer right away and really that's all Chloe needs to know the answer to that question.

"We're friends." Beca finally mumbles from her place under Chloe's arm, snaking her own arms around Chloe's waist, "Like if you were to take away the occasional kisses we share…we're literally just friends. Friends that barely really share anything deep. Oh wow, I'm not even that good a friend."

"You're a fantastic friend Beca." Chloe interjects, believing every word, because Beca has always been so open and warm towards her, and she adores every second of it.

Beca objects, "Not to him…hell not to a lot of people. You're pretty much one of the only ones who I have let get so close to me."

"It just takes a while for some people to feel comfortable around different people Beca. This is in no way some sort of indication of your shortcomings."

Beca just shrugs at that, and Chloe lets out a sigh, rubbing Beca's arm reassuringly, "Now that you're aware of this…like, do you see the both of you working through this?"

Beca shakes her head but doesn't say anything more and Chloe doesn't want to push her.

"He'd be a fool not to at least try working through this together. Maybe really try being in a relationship with you, rather than just have the occasional kiss. You're too wonderful to just kind of give up on, especially when you weren't really given a real shot. I'd do everything in my power to make sure you know that you're my before anyone else." Chloe finds herself saying this out loud and she's not all that sorry at all, especially since she means every word.

Beca chuckles under her breath as she curls deeper into Chloe and whispers, "So you'd make sure I know that I'm your bae."

Chloe giggles, "I sure would."

Shutting her eyes, Beca succumbs to the easy, warm, feelings that being around Chloe bring and she allows herself to fully let her guard down and rest for a little while. But before she does fall asleep she says, "You make a much better boyfriend than Jesse." A second after that she rephrases, "Well, no you'd be a much better _girl_ friend."

Beca is unaware of the ridiculously large smile on Chloe's face after having said that, but it's there and Chloe can't help it.

She knows Aubrey would give her _that_ look and tell her to get her toner in check; and then follow it up with an hour long speech about moving on from someone who obviously is either too thick to notice you have a thing for them, or are too chicken shit to address it to give you closure so you can move on.

But Chloe can't help it when it comes to Beca, because she's absolutely in love with her and the brunette will never even know it.


End file.
